You Deserve To Be Happy
Answer this question honestly: “Are you waiting for permission to be happy?” Often times we deny ourselves happiness and joy because we believe that we are unworthy of it, or that happiness is something outside of us.
If you find yourself in a space where you are seeking permission to take a sigh of relief, and allow a smile to soften across your face, than this is it! You are worthy of happiness in this moment, and all moments. For the month of March, the focus of my healings, and work with clients will be on happiness.
It sounds pretty simple, and something we all say we want more of, but then why is being happy so hard to attain? Why is it so short lived? The first issue is thinking and believing that happiness is something outside of yourself. Material objects, relationships, money, career- none of these things will ever provide true happiness because happiness is an inside job. The feelings of happiness have always been inside of you, you just need to allow it to rise to the surface, especially if you have shoved it deep down and forget it was there.
We deny ourselves happiness.
There are lots of ways in which we deny ourselves happiness. Resentment, fear, jealousy, and comparison are just a few. We may compare ourselves, our lives, our abilities, careers, and spouses to others. When we compare we lose sight of what our common purpose here on Earth, to enjoy the human experience. Now, this does not mean we do not suffer. We often compare our sufferings to the suffering of others, our pain to the pain of others because comparing is our human way of evolution. It’s not “bad” to compare, but it’s also not always helpful.
As a "“social species” we are pack animals, our ancestors lived in groups and tribes and by comparing behaviors to others they were able to cultivate an understanding of what is socially acceptable and what behaviors are frowned upon to help their blood line to survive and thrive. We are naturally motivated to improve our performance or position, there is nothing wrong with wanting more or even comparing, but we often stale the process of happiness by denying it to ourselves in the first place.
We believe we are unworthy of happiness.
Somewhere, at some point in life someone deflated our self esteem. Probably around the ages of 2-4 when we were learning that we have a place in this world, and not that the world revolves around us. This may have been a parent, sibling, teacher, or we witnessed someone else’ self esteem deflate and absorbed those unpleasant feelings. Unworthiness can also be a common symptom of depression or rooted in neglect, abuse, trauma, or difficult situations that posed a threat to your well being.
Consumerism + Otherism
We live in a culture of “not-good enough”. Once we attain one item, for example a car, we are happy momentarily, but then happiness fades and we want a newer model or a better car. We can apply this in many areas in our life, clothing, vacations, decor in our home, etc. We are bombarded with over 4,000-10,000 ads a day reminding us that we need more, we need better, we need newer, etc. This ultimately fuels our desires to obtain happiness from outside of us and makes great consumers out of us.
The Universe is made up of energy, we are made up of energy, we are all the same energy and we can all work well with one another, or we can work against one another and struggle. Whatever energy you put out, the energy of the Universe will mirror back to you. Think about this for a moment, what have you been “seeing” outside of you in the world? Has it been negative, dark, or pessimistic? Now turn that awareness inside, how have YOU been feeling? Have you been complaining a lot? Have you felt frustrated or bursts of irrational anger? Perhaps you’re feeling heavy with sadness or exhaustion and you aren’t quite sure why.
I invite you to experiment with this and start by turning your attention inward every single day for a few moments and sit in gratitude, or start the day thinking or journaling about 3 things you are grateful for. It can be as simple as air, water, and a toilet. It sounds simple and maybe even mundane or insulting but the thing with this type of “work” is that you are literally re-wiring your brain to see the more positive side of life. The ego WILL resist this to keep you safe because the ego perceives anything new as a threat and unsafe. Now, before you go trying to banish the ego, I personally like to work with the ego, we can’t get rid of it, and it does serve a purpose in keeping us safe. Start to learn the voice of your ego, notice when you start coming from a place of fear, anger, or judgment and explore it, observe it. The ego does serve a purpose in keeping us safe, so you can thank the ego and then move on with the task at hand.
Otherism, is the “exclusion of a person based on their perceived diversions from an acceptable norm”. This is the belief that we are separate from others and that “others” are not like us. For example. we may see someone of different color, religion, poverty status and distance ourselves in some way in an “us vs them”. The book FACTFULNESS by Hans Rosling is a great read on how we think the world is worse than it actually is. It’s the belief that the world is getting worse when it fact, it is showing great improvement. I highly recommend this book!
When we view ourselves as separate from one another, we inevitably create a divide and it’s difficult to be with happiness when we think there are “others” that are lurking or suffering in the shadows.
One way to become more inclusive is to know each person you come in contact with has just as much of a web of life as you do. With joy, pain, suffering, happiness, and trauma. We can start to view others not from their actions, but from their true nature, a soul on this Earth that is having a human experience.
Selfless Service Leads To Happiness and Happiness Is Contagious
The Bhagavad Gita (16.1) states that when we associate material gratification with true happiness, we endure unending anxiety in ourselves. Instead, we are guided to go in the opposite direction and practices selflessness, acts of service to others without any expectations in return. The happiest people are those who are helpful to others. Now, this may trigger a scarcity mindset in some. The common belief could be “well no one helps me, why should I help anyone?” or “I don’t have the resources to help myself, how am I expected to help others?” Selfless does not mean that we care for other before ourselves, it means that we care for our needs, we fill our cup and then allow that cup to overflow to others. That we are in a continuous cycle of giving and because we give, we receive because remember, the Universe is energy and will mirror back to us what we put out.
Happiness is contagious. If you find yourself in a crap mood, try smiling. You may feel like a fool or resist it, but eventually the smile will soften some of the negativity, or at the very least will invite in a ridiculous smirk and ability to laugh at ourselves, which helps to disperse the heavier energy. If you come from a state of internal happiness, others cannot be around you and NOT feel some sort of happiness, or lightness in your presence. Your higher vibe and lighter energy will literally affect those around you in a positive way. So even if you have no time or nothing material to offer the world, you can always offer your energetic happiness! And what you put out, will come back to you!
From this moment on, I give you permission to explore happiness because you deserve it!
