Loneliness

My morning ritual consists of; waking up and giving myself a Reiki self-treatment (I try to do this before I even reach for my phone). After my treatment and a quick phone scan, I head downstairs to kiss my kids and husband, say good morning to the pets, and get my cup off coffee. Then I head to my altar for meditation and yoga practice.

I sit in stillness, slow down my breathing, and allow whatever comes up, to surface. You may sometimes hear this referred to as “downloads”. This is when we set our ego aside and connect with our Higher Consciousness and channel messages. Sometimes Spirit Guides or loved ones passed will join. The important thing is to have no expectations, come into a meditative state and just simply observe.

As I sat in my quiet, centered space this morning, I heard “allow relationships to ebb and flow”….as I further sat with this, I came across the sensation of loneliness. We have all experienced what loneliness is and how unpleasant and painful it can be. I sat with loneliness and observed, and this is what came up…

Lonely

“affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome.” (dictionary.com definition)

We all have an innate desire for human connection with others. We are pack animals and being in a community is necessary for our survival. The health risks of chronic loneliness are; anxiety, depression, fatigue, high cortisol levels which may lead to inflammation, weight gain, insulin resistance, difficulty concentrating, sleep problems, etc. When we are feeling lonely, we may try to avoid these feelings all together or fill the void with escapism, shopping, substance abuse, negative thought patterns, etc.

But loneliness can be such a gift, if we chose to see it that way and of course if it’s only temporary. In my line of work, I have found that people struggle with the idea of being lonely and thus either avoid it all together through unhealthy relationships, or when they start to experience it, they will attach and dig their nails into anyone or anything for fear of being alone, and this attachment leads to suffering.

Research has shown that being in nature can help people focus their priorities, appreciate their relationships and improve goal setting. Being alone gives us the opportunity to sit with who we are, to learn more about ourselves and to find healing through self- reflection, especially when combined with nature. During the pandemic when we were spending time at home, I found myself drifting into nature several times a day to stand bare foot in the wooded area of our yard, or hug a tree to ground anxious and lonely energy. I can only imagine what my neighbors must have thought!

There is a difference between being alone and loneliness, especially if we are seeking connection and continually being rejected. This may be an invitation to see who it is your are seeking support from and if it’s an appropriate source. If you are trying to make connections but are not able to, please work with a trained therapist or counselor who can help you navigate through these harmful and difficult experiences.

Social Media and Loneliness

Luckily for me, I have had a few trips around the sun and I remember life before social media. In my opinion, social media and the emotional dependency on it has led to a significant increase in loneliness experienced by people, and it starts at a younger and younger age. Loneliness is a natural emotion and how we process it can be harmful, or beneficial to our mental/emotional health.

Behind screens we may appear to be more social, but as we sit behind them, we are lacking critical social- emotional skills. We are missing the face to face communication and the art of reading body language, and connecting with a person on all levels (spiritual, mental, emotional, physical). I wonder if this is a snake eating it’s tale scenario where the root of our conflict is being inauthentically social. Because though we are social on social media, it’s off balance as we are not social in all forms and because we look to social media to fill our social cups (and it’s an inadequate source) we end up feeling more lonely.

Relationships ebb and flow…

There will be times when you are a social butterfly and other times when you will feel separated, finding yourself in solitude and this can be labeled as lonely. It happens to all of us. Allow relationships to ebb and flow. If you find yourself in a low part of your relationship cycle, perhaps take it as an opportunity to have some time in solitude and do some introspective or shadow work.

It’s important though to remember that we have mental control over this internal struggle. We have the choice to perceive ourselves as lonely, or we can take the time as an opportunity to connect deeper with ourselves. We can connect deeper to nature. I find that so many people don’t want to sit and be alone with themselves. They will do anything to avoid alone time; alone time with their thoughts and emotions, they are on total avoidance mode and this avoidance creates suffering. (Remember that snake eating it’s tail?)

This blows my mind because my favorite time (aside from with my husband and kids) is alone time! I love being alone with myself, if I could spend one day and do nothing but sit with myself, I would happily take it! This could also be in part because I am a busy mom of three young kids and a moment of silence in the basement doing laundry is basically a mental and emotional vacation!

When we are feeling lonely, we tend to reach for social media and feed more feelings of insecurity and loneliness. The only way to break this cycle, is to observe it.

I invite you to explore your relationship to loneliness. And the next time you are feeling lonely, to sit and explore what comes up for you, to be the observer of your mind.

Shadow Work

Here are some questions to meditate or journal on:

‘The times I feel lonely are when…’

‘When I am feeling lonely, I distract myself with…..’ (ex: substance abuse, shopping, sleeping, negative thought patterns, etc)

“When I distract myself from loneliness, I feel…’

‘I enjoy alone time because…’

The next time loneliness creeps up, observe it, you may find a creative spark, or take the time to connect deeper with nature and with yourself, see what comes up!

And please remember, if you are actively trying to reach out and ask for help but feeling rejected, consider finding someone trained to speak with. Chronic feelings of loneliness can be destructive and dangerous to your mental health and everyone deserves to feel loved, supported, and heard.